disclaimer: mahilig pong magdrama ang inyong abang lingkod. pagpasensyahan niyo na. ito lang ang paraan ko para mabawasan ang kaguluhan ko sa buhay. kanya-kanyang kaepalan yan, di ba?

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i never expected that i’ll have so many comments! it still grows! i am so happy. thank you to all the people who bug themselves just to read my blog entries and who post their comments! i really appreciate it! thank you very much!

INTRO

are people born with discontentment?

i don’t know. but i can say, i am.

i always complain and it will never change–especially, when things don’t go the way they should, or when i want something and i can’t get it; when i want to brag, but i can’t; when  i am mad but i can’t express it; or just simply TANTRUMS.

i don’t know. but i can’t deny the fact that God gave me everything! it’s just i keep on complaining (again) because i can’t find them.

please bear with me. my mind is still under construction.

PART 1: my first major complain (+ resolution)

i complained about taking up the BSN course. I never want it "before".

my dad once said, " I don’t want you to waste the characteristics that you have within you. I am not encouraging you to take it just for the sake of our family… but i am pushing you to your limits. you do have the brain (yes, i do, thank you!), the spirit (again, thank you!), and the character (yes, i know it!). i know you’ll have the heart. maybe, this can be a way for you to share all of those to the people who need them. please try. i know you can do it." 

i realized, he’s right.

i took it. and i finished it. i graduated last April 2007. and as days have passed, i learned to love it.

albeit, i am still not contented.

PART 2: my second major complain (+ resolution)

it was after graduation that we’re still having our REVIEW CLASSES for the JUNE NLE 2007. i kept on whining that i didn’t want to take the exams yet because i was so afraid.

but my teacher-slash-friend once said: "you are complaining because you are forgetting something. it’n not only you who would take the test. you are TWO there. you and the ONE up there."

there i realized that I forgot GOD IS WITH ME. i learned to pray. and i prayed harder.

months have passed by. now, I AM AN REGISTERED NURSE.

thanks to MA’AM ALEN!

but still, i am not contented.

PART 3: my third major complain (+ resolution)

as i was waiting for everything (there are so many of them i can’t enumerate!), i can’t stand being a bum. i kept on saying and crying that i am so tired of this life!

then, my brother told me: "why not apply for a job?"

why not? i did. 

first attempt: failed.

second attempt: passed but i faltered.

third attempt: I AM A- OK!

still, i am not contented.

PART 4: my fourth complain (+ resolution)

i kept on telling my friends that i needed a boyfriend. i felt so alone that sometimes i bug them to give me one.

part 4-A: a textmate

please, please, please.. i never thought i’ll be that depressed and desperate! damn!

now that "textmate" is a pain in the ass.

please stop this!

part 4-b: a call

i called up my teacher-slash-friend and she told me: "why are you like that? don’t you realize that you got everybody…your family, your friends, me over here, yourself, God up there? stop that! it’s nonsense. a boyfriend is just a part of life, a fragment that can choose to stay or go. but all that i mentioned… they will stay. and they will never leave you."

she’s right. and i realized having my own self proves that i am not alone because i still have my soul.

but still, i am not contented.   

PART 5: my -I HOPE TO BE MY LAST- complain (+ resolution pending)

what i have decided is against all odds (as what i have stated on the former blog entry) but i care less about it.

please help me.

i don’t take drugs but it seems that i am always confused.

i can’t admit that i am not yet ready to fix myself.

am i trying too hard?

and now, i am so discontented.

what will i do? 

…or am i just confusing myself but in reality, there’s no need to be confused.

i guess i am just setting up my own agony. 

OUTRO

i hope this is still eustress.

i am doing my best to organize myself. and now, my mind is under construction.

AKIRAMENAI, datte bayo!

i know i am still discontented with everything. buti will do something about this.

so help me, God.