BATING PANIMULA:

nagpapasalamat ako sa lahat ng taong patuloy na nagbabasa ng mga blog entries ko. natutuwa talaga ako dahil kahit papaano ay pinag-uubusan niyo ng panahon ang mga katha ko.

you’re 100+ and i hope the population grows.

ito na ang susunod kong tirada…

UNANG BAHAGI:

nitong nakaraan, punong-puno ako ng pag-iinarte. lahat na lang yata ng reklamo ko sa buhay, nailagay ko na rito. pero ayos lang. sa bahay kasi namin, hindi ko ito maibulalas. natatakot ako. ayoko silang nag-aalala o nasasaktan sa mga bagay na sasabihin ko.

PATAWAD.

IKALAWANG BAHAGI:

hindi ko namamalayan na parang nagugustuhan ko na ang aking ka-barkada. pero, alam niyo, parang hindi na ata ako nadadala.

lagi na lang kasing ganun. pakiramdam ko, pinaglalaruan lang nila yung nararamdaman ko. kumbaga sa pabango, TESTER. kumbaga sa pagkain na pino-promote, FREE TASTE. kumbaga sa mga bagay na binebenta, INTRODUCTORY o di kaya PRACTICE DEMO.

nagsasawa na ako. pero masarap sa pakiramdam.

ang hindi ko namamalayan, masarap na yata sa akin ang sinasaktan.

lagi ko kasing inaasahan yun.

at medyo mas madali nang tanggapin kung alam ko na ang mangyayari (anticipation ba?)

at ngayon, amy nagaganap na namang panibagong hamon sa buhay ko.

magpapadala ba ako? makikipaglaro?

ano bang gagawin ko?

IKATLONG BAHAGI:

nakakatakot. parang hindi na talaga ako nadala. sasaktan ko na naman ang sarili ko. masokista nga ata ako. hindi ko na alam.

BAGAMA’T HINDI AKO ISANG BAYANI, ISA LANG ANG SINISIGURO KO:

HABANG LALO AKONG NASUSUGATAN, LALO AKONG TUMATAPANG.

(SABAY UWI, AT IIYAK… ahahahahaha!!! ) iyakin si gago!

BATING PANAPOS:

HINDI AKO IIYAK. hinding-hindi talaga.

disclaimer: mahilig pong magdrama ang inyong abang lingkod. pagpasensyahan niyo na. ito lang ang paraan ko para mabawasan ang kaguluhan ko sa buhay. kanya-kanyang kaepalan yan, di ba?

******************

i never expected that i’ll have so many comments! it still grows! i am so happy. thank you to all the people who bug themselves just to read my blog entries and who post their comments! i really appreciate it! thank you very much!

INTRO

are people born with discontentment?

i don’t know. but i can say, i am.

i always complain and it will never change–especially, when things don’t go the way they should, or when i want something and i can’t get it; when i want to brag, but i can’t; when  i am mad but i can’t express it; or just simply TANTRUMS.

i don’t know. but i can’t deny the fact that God gave me everything! it’s just i keep on complaining (again) because i can’t find them.

please bear with me. my mind is still under construction.

PART 1: my first major complain (+ resolution)

i complained about taking up the BSN course. I never want it "before".

my dad once said, " I don’t want you to waste the characteristics that you have within you. I am not encouraging you to take it just for the sake of our family… but i am pushing you to your limits. you do have the brain (yes, i do, thank you!), the spirit (again, thank you!), and the character (yes, i know it!). i know you’ll have the heart. maybe, this can be a way for you to share all of those to the people who need them. please try. i know you can do it." 

i realized, he’s right.

i took it. and i finished it. i graduated last April 2007. and as days have passed, i learned to love it.

albeit, i am still not contented.

PART 2: my second major complain (+ resolution)

it was after graduation that we’re still having our REVIEW CLASSES for the JUNE NLE 2007. i kept on whining that i didn’t want to take the exams yet because i was so afraid.

but my teacher-slash-friend once said: "you are complaining because you are forgetting something. it’n not only you who would take the test. you are TWO there. you and the ONE up there."

there i realized that I forgot GOD IS WITH ME. i learned to pray. and i prayed harder.

months have passed by. now, I AM AN REGISTERED NURSE.

thanks to MA’AM ALEN!

but still, i am not contented.

PART 3: my third major complain (+ resolution)

as i was waiting for everything (there are so many of them i can’t enumerate!), i can’t stand being a bum. i kept on saying and crying that i am so tired of this life!

then, my brother told me: "why not apply for a job?"

why not? i did. 

first attempt: failed.

second attempt: passed but i faltered.

third attempt: I AM A- OK!

still, i am not contented.

PART 4: my fourth complain (+ resolution)

i kept on telling my friends that i needed a boyfriend. i felt so alone that sometimes i bug them to give me one.

part 4-A: a textmate

please, please, please.. i never thought i’ll be that depressed and desperate! damn!

now that "textmate" is a pain in the ass.

please stop this!

part 4-b: a call

i called up my teacher-slash-friend and she told me: "why are you like that? don’t you realize that you got everybody…your family, your friends, me over here, yourself, God up there? stop that! it’s nonsense. a boyfriend is just a part of life, a fragment that can choose to stay or go. but all that i mentioned… they will stay. and they will never leave you."

she’s right. and i realized having my own self proves that i am not alone because i still have my soul.

but still, i am not contented.   

PART 5: my -I HOPE TO BE MY LAST- complain (+ resolution pending)

what i have decided is against all odds (as what i have stated on the former blog entry) but i care less about it.

please help me.

i don’t take drugs but it seems that i am always confused.

i can’t admit that i am not yet ready to fix myself.

am i trying too hard?

and now, i am so discontented.

what will i do? 

…or am i just confusing myself but in reality, there’s no need to be confused.

i guess i am just setting up my own agony. 

OUTRO

i hope this is still eustress.

i am doing my best to organize myself. and now, my mind is under construction.

AKIRAMENAI, datte bayo!

i know i am still discontented with everything. buti will do something about this.

so help me, God.

OPENING SPIEL

"Thank you for browsing my blog! my name is Aoi Arashi. You are all welcome to read my entry for today…"

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

Salamat at kahit papaano may sumusubaybay pala sa blog ko. kahit epal-epal lang yung mga komento ayos lang! 70 na kayo! salamat talaga! and i hope it’ll grow.

ANG KUWENTO

TRICK A:

hay.. alam niyo, nakapasa talaga ako ng board exam last JUNE 2007– sa letter E. kala niyo ba echus lang yun! hindi no. check it out sa net. my name is one of the people with the surname: ELEVADO. (click the link please and see for yourself.) can’t state my name for security reasons.  (wag na kayong mag-emote! kung nagsisiningaling ako, magagalit si Lord.)

but the thing now is, i can’t make it to my OATH TAKING. and that’s because i’m engaged in a CCJ (nabanggit sa mga naunang entry ko. pakihanap na lang. BUM LIFE: SATIETY ata.)

pero natutuwa ako na yung company ko ay handang tumulong sa akin. at alam kong sinsero sila doon. hindi nga ako nagkamali sa pinili kong puntahan. masaya ako dun.

TRICK B:

October 2, 2007: OATH TAKING sa ARANETA COLISEUM.

Televised live, via satellite (echos!baka maniwala ka na naman! )

but the former is serious.

i am afraid i can’t make it there! what will happen?

here’s what i have to say:

DISCLAIMER: please don’t take this badly. i only want to explain my side.

i never thought of taking BSN. Never! As in!

But my kazoku (Japanese term) "forced me-slash-convinced me-enticed me-slash-did whatever it takes for me to take that course!"

Four years have passed. And until the NLE came and I made it.

This is not eustress (term used to say: normal stress) anymore.

Can’t i just decide for myself? Can’t i take the first step for my so called "PROFESSIONAL GROWTH"?

I think there’s nothing wrong with engaging to a CCJ! Though i am an RN, knowing that i am an RN is enough for now.

I can’t promise to be a nurse right away. But all i can keep is that: I WILL BRING HOME MY TITLE AND MY LICENSE. I WILL NOT THROW THE THINGS THAT I LEARNED FROM MY FIELD OF STUDY. I WILL TAKE MY MASTERS DEGREE (that is certain!) and I WILL BE A NURSE. I WILL GO BACK TO MY ALMA MATER (click the link if you want to know what it is!) to be a TEACHER there!

NOT NOW. NOT TOMORROW. NOT NEXT YEAR..

IN DUE TIME….

BUT THE GROUND IS…. I WILL!

that’s STELLAR! (thanks, MARK! I have this in my VOCAB!)

TRICK C:

para ba akong nagsisisi? sa mga sinabi ko, halo-halo na lang ang nararamdaman ko.

thankful… kasi dininig ni Lord ang dasal ko

masaya…dahil pumasa.

malungkot.. dahil di ako makakapunta sa OT.

kinakabahan.. kasi nagagalit ang aking kazoku

hindi ko maintindhan.. kasi nalilito na naman ako

nais kong matunayan sa mundo na tama ang desisyon ko.

kaw ba? ano sa tingin mo.

look on a deeper perspective. kung isa ka sa mga BSN students na  "forced me-slash-convinced me-enticed me-slash-did whatever it takes for me to take that course!" alam kong you feel for me.

what do you think?

CLOSING SPIEL

"Thank you for reading my blog…  Feel free to post your comments. have a great day ahead of you. bye!"

BABALA: bawal mabasa ng bata. baka gayahin.

ngayong araw na ‘to, trip ko lang maging gago. pagbigyan niyo ko.

lam niyo, natutuwa naman talaga ako dahil nakapasa ako sa BOARD EXAM. pero alam niyo, nagsisisi ako.

kasi ba naman, pinili ko ang manahimik na lang.

TOPNOTCHER talaga ako. ayoko lang malaman niyo. kasi ayoko ng publicity. hindi ako sanay na binibigyan ng mga papuri ng mga tao lalo na pag di ko kilala. actually, sabi ko dun sa taga-publish ng mga pangalan ng nakapasa, wag na lang isama sa mga TOP 10 yung pangalan ko kasi baka sabihin nila mayabang ako. MABUTI NA RIN YUNG HINDI NILA ALAM PARA MAY THRILL.

kaya lang nanghihinyang ako. kasi hindi alam ng marami.

Ops, ops, ops, tama na, baka maniwala ka na. hindi ito totoo…

echos lang!

nagulat ako nang malaman ko na may 33 comments na ako sa aking blog entry na pinamagatang: WAG KAYONG UMARTE!

sa mga nakapansin sa entry, maraming salamat (kahit yung ibang message mukhang eepal-epal lang, salamat pa rin!).